Addictions

This writing has to be cathartic for me, I am sorry i do not have more uplifting subjects to refer to at this pont, but right now I am barely holding on to sanity.

5 years ago, I slowly lost the use of my hands, I had a baby (my 4th) and when it was time to open a baby food jar, i could not do it. I simply could not grasp the jar and turn, I had no strength left in my hands, and I hurt All the time. I was always in pain, my head, my back, my eyes, my hands. My family has a history of arthritis, so i just chocked it up to this, and went to my Dr. he perscribed me this: Celebrex and here is what I read about it:
may cause sudden daeath.
hmmm.... pain in my hands, or death....hmmm...pain in my back....or death.....hmmmm tough one, i think i choose pain in my hands!

Phew.

I made the choice NOT to take the meds I was perscribed. I was going to school (UVSC) and signed up for a beginning yoga class (gasp) I was BY FAR the fattest and oldest person in the class...so what did I do? ;)
I invited my mom to join the class! (now at least i was not the oldest anymore)

So i meet my ideal amazing Yogini. Denise Preston. She taught me much more than just downward-facing-dog.
She introduced me to Dennis Remington. Dr. Remington ; http://www.freedommedcenter.com/doctors.shtml

It changed everything, my outlook on life, the way I ate and especially my personality, I went from raving, angry lunatic, and it changed me intoa calm, happy patient mother. I am talking 180 turnaround.

I spent 4 years eating like a 'rabbit' and I was a happy, normal, wonderful patient mommy, I homeschooled my kids, with great patience and love, i learned new things, i studied my scriptures and taught my children great skills.... crocheting, baking, sewing, painting, I was a candidate for "Mother of the Year 2005"

Then pregnancy #5 hits me. and it was the first time in 4 years I ate an orange. I had not been able to eat fruit, not even a grape, they would make me violenty ill.

Baby #5 would make it so I could eat fruit. and fruit I ate, in all forms, as much as I could get my hands on.

However as I ate the fruit, and had the first sweetness in my mouth, it became overwhelming how I wanted sugar, as I had not eaten ANYTHING with sugar. I ate nearly only vegetables and legumes, and occasionally bread.

I felt like an addict. all I could do was think of sugar, obsess over it, long for it, wish and imagine eating it.

eventually it got the best of me and I ate some sugar on a cruise my husband and I took. I was so sick from gastric issues for a month, that i did not eat any more sugar for a long long while.
Fast forward to this month, life has gottent he best of me,a nd I have eaten sugar on a nearly daily basis for the past 2 weeks. AND NOW, well you have read the posts about being mentally compromised, and I know KNOW that it is becuase I am highly allergic to sugar, and I can not even have a substitute, so let me introduce myself

Hi, My name is Crazy lady...and I am ..... addicted to sugar, in all forms, natural, fruit, honey, raw, brown, refined....in its many forms. I know it will keill me eventaully, and so I will once again go on a cleanse and know that when I indeed kick the habit, I will never again be able to eat sweets, in any form.
Thanks for reading about my ramblings.....

D.

Welcome!

I am learning all sorts of new skills! Look at me!
Now off to figure out the music!....hmm.....

Thanks Carrot! You always make me smile!

Medications

What do you think about anti depressants and or anti-anxiety meds?

I have taken them in the past, and I have read up on them since then, I am terrified to take them. My non-LDS Dr. suggested I simply take a 4 oz. glass of red wine each night. She says this will help with the anxiety and stress. It will also help with sleepless nights.

So which’s worse? The meds that may cause; Headaches, dizziness, heart palpitations, liver failure, pain in the extremities, shortness of breath, lack of sexual drive, and unexpected murderous rage if stopped abruptly.

Hmmmm......

What are the side effects of 4 oz of Red wine each day?

(I am obviously playing devils advocate here, I have not purchased the red wine.... yet ;)

Thanks ladies

I appreciate the 'pick-me-up'

I really really do.

Why are we racked with such guilt? Why do I feel so guilty for letting my kids go for a while? Its n ot like its forever!

I cant take the meds cuase I spent 3 years addicted, and it took me DANG hard work to gte off, but when I did get off I was SO MUCH happier. I am trying to do those things that made me happy then again. (But moving back to Alaska is not an option)

I am doing ttapp
I am cleaning out my house
I am taking time for me

But what I really want to do is;
Binge on sugar!
It has been 4 years since I have consumed sugar, you would think that I would have a handle on this addiction by now.
Nope it still has me!