Will The REAL me, Please step Forward?

Pregnant Pause.


Yes, I am ambitious, I am a DREAMER, and I LOVE to stay BUSY!

I also CRAVE support, I covet Prayers, and I get the GREEN EYED MONSTER.

When some are pandering and wasting their resources like watering our lawns for 3 hours a day in the desert. I get really irritated.

When I see how much waste and I see so much suffering. I want to cry.


I see many spend THOUSANDS and TENS of THOUSANDS on a vacation several times a year when there are children that go to bed each night crying from an cramping, empty belly.

I get irritated when I see youth with SUCH TALENT that waste it away, and buy into the childish selfish mentality of gossip and back-biting. Instead of working on developing and harnessing the energy of youth, and achieving BIG things, they settle for working at McD's, or WalMart, and never challenge themselves to find out what their passions are.



I can only hope that one day, WE GET IT. that we can see the true person, and not the person we think we are.

My dreams of visiting AFRICA have ALWAYS been to serve, and make the lives of others a little less painful. My desire is to be a full-time philanthropist, and GIVE my ALL.

For now I give for my children, and I pray it is enough, I choose to teach them by example how it is better to live on less so that others can sleep with food in their bellies than it is to have the new Phone, iPad, Electronic gadgets, new shiny cars, and exotic vacations.

 VACATION IN AFRICA= $4,000 PER PERSON

2.7 billion people were living on less than $2 a day, and 1.1 billion people were living on under $1 a day.  ONE luxurious vacation could feed a village for a year!  Let's get our priorities right!

A Wish.

I am not sure when it happened, but at some point in my life, I was convinced that crying is a sign of weakness.  I was bullied in elementary school, for pimples at 3rd grade, wearing a bra in 4th grade, and having 'BO' all throughout elementary.

I was a traumatized child, and I cried every single day of school.

I HATED school, I spent most of my time alone, and I felt weak and vulnerable.

Something happened, and I changed, I think a part of it was meeting a new group of kids (BMW, Missy, Christine A., Kanna) that NEVER made me feel small. These were my first true friends.

Somewhere in between bawling like a baby 24/7  and refusing to shed a tear, I get lost.

This is where I am now, I am VERY sensitive to criticism. Who isn't??  My dear sweet friend Consie taught me to try to sandwich a complaint with two compliments, this way it shows the person you are correcting that you recognize the good they do, and it lessens the blow of the negative/correction.

I am not very good at this, because in LOVE languages, Words of Affirmations are the HARDEST for me to convey. I like to DO something for others to show my love (Acts of Kindness) and words get caught in my throat and I struggle with saying them. I have to think, rethink and think again in order to feel like what I say is accurate or correct.

So as I struggle with TEENAGERS....I am at a loss. this is where I wish.

I wish that instead of getting ANGRY I wish I could cry, cause this is what I WANT to do. I WANT to cry when we have conflict, I want to break down and be soft, and let them see what they say or what they do TRULY gets to me.

Instead, I become hard as Steele and to THEM they think it is unfeeling.

My poor kids.

If only they knew how tender I was/am. If only I was better at letting them see the soft side of me.

If only I did not spend all my energies on protective actions and instead I was able to soften a bit, and let them see me cry.

I wish I could cry.

Cry like I do when I see an orphan, Cry like I do when I see a hallmark special, cry like when I miss my mother, cry like I do when I think of all my regrets.

I wish I could cry.

For the Love of Peter!

Please stop by and take a look at the hand made items that have been made & donated at the

For the Love of Peter Etsy store!

A Sprint vs Marathon

I started running track in 7th grade, it came very easy for me, and when the 400 yd race progressed, I could look at the end of the race, and KNOW I would make it. It is such a short distance, it is strenuous to run a fast pace, but so encouraging to see the end of the race just yards ahead of you.

 I started training for Cross Country in High School. That was a new ball of wax!!

 That took patience, endurance, and perseverance. IT TOOK so much MORE TRAINING, it did not come natural for me. Loving and serving comes natural for me. Seeing the needs of another, and knowing how I can help is a gift. Sometimes it is hard, but the end is in sight, the task will come to an end, and the training is minimal.

 Fundraising for Peter started out as a 400 yd dash, I could SEE the end, and I KNOW it will be met. But I have found that it is MUCH more like a Marathon, and that is where I am right now.

 I have hit a runners wall. I do not regret accepting the call to LOVE and SERVE my son Peter. but to be perfectly honest, Raising funds WHILE rising SONS is A HUGE commitment! We have had SO MANY helpers, and SO MANY people have sacrificed, I am truly humbled and blessed.

Rather than feeling like they are my cheerleaders, I feel like they are my 400 yd dash relay team. We each do a SPRINT for as LONG as we can, then gracefully pass the baton and the next, refreshed runner takes the baton and runs for their portion. The only difference is..... we are all sprinting at the same time!!

 Susana, Erin, Candace, Lia, Sasha, Alice, Sherri, Angel,Sean, Savannah,Laraine, Deborah, Susannah, Ruth, Sheli, Mindy, Barry, Rebecca, Taft, Heather, and SOOO MANY OTHERS!

I wish I could name you all, I am so humbled by your generous, selfless acts of kindness I hope someone along your path will provide as much support and love.

as you have shown me! Pay it Forward. As the marathon continues, I pray for ongoing support, and understanding, I may have volunteered for this race, but that does not mean I can run it all alone. Just as if I had given birth to a new son, I am exhausted, taxed, worn out, and need a break. Thank you for those helpers who whisk my kids away so I can rest, thank you to those who dry my laundry, and deliver my kids places, and do not judge me for not being able to do it all alone. Thank you to my village for supporters.

Thursday, or is it Saturday?

A M A Z I N G It is amazing to me how many people are willing to help. I have received several $28 donations, checks in the mail, and Paypal. I was able to deposit another $743 into the account ! You bet your bottom dollar I will be changing that thermometer!! We still have a LONG ways to go. But slow & steady wins the race! Peter has been catching up so quickly, he now has a very stable way of communicating his basic needs, as we introduce him to new signs and routines, he seems to enjoy it all. he has a bad habit of beating up on Elijah, and poor little Eli is such a tender heart, all he does it cry and take it. I m praying for a solution to this one, since Elijah would never hurt a flea... he is really struggling with this. We took the entire family to the KC temple open house. I am working on loading photos to share, we have a DINOSAUR of a computer and a digital camera that will ONLY sync with the DINO, so it takes a long time to load the photos. (both camera and computer are over 9 years old... ancient huh? j.k.) Rubi is such a hard worker! She has not been content to sit back and wait for the BIG events for fundraising, so she devised a plan, she baked ALL DAY 3 different types of cookies, Peanut Butter Cookies, World famous Chocolate Chip Cookies, and snickerdoodles. Once they were cooled enough, we loaded up 10 plates and I drove her into town. She proudly took them door to door to sell. In 1 hour she made $35! Then today we went out again and she sold 4 more plates! ($20 more ) I AM SO PROUD OF HER! She is such a go-getter 8 year old!! I should have taken photos, I apologize, next time I WILL! Thanks again everyone who has SHARED our story, SHARED the blog, spoken up about our needs, made phone calls to find donations for the auction, yard sale, and the many other events that are going on. In the end, it will all be worth it. When we get to take Peter to the temple and have him sealed to our family for all eternity. Good night. and THANK YOU!