Saturday, May 26, 2012

Rubi Doo!

My baby girl is growing up! She turned 9 and we had such  blast! For fun I scoured my files and found some old photos of her.

Enjoy her..... I know I do!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Will The REAL me, Please step Forward?

Pregnant Pause.

Yes, I am ambitious, I am a DREAMER, and I LOVE to stay BUSY!

I also CRAVE support, I covet Prayers, and I get the GREEN EYED MONSTER.

When some are pandering and wasting their resources like watering our lawns for 3 hours a day in the desert. I get really irritated.

When I see how much waste and I see so much suffering. I want to cry.

I see many spend THOUSANDS and TENS of THOUSANDS on a vacation several times a year when there are children that go to bed each night crying from an cramping, empty belly.

I get irritated when I see youth with SUCH TALENT that waste it away, and buy into the childish selfish mentality of gossip and back-biting. Instead of working on developing and harnessing the energy of youth, and achieving BIG things, they settle for working at McD's, or WalMart, and never challenge themselves to find out what their passions are.

I can only hope that one day, WE GET IT. that we can see the true person, and not the person we think we are.

My dreams of visiting AFRICA have ALWAYS been to serve, and make the lives of others a little less painful. My desire is to be a full-time philanthropist, and GIVE my ALL.

For now I give for my children, and I pray it is enough, I choose to teach them by example how it is better to live on less so that others can sleep with food in their bellies than it is to have the new Phone, iPad, Electronic gadgets, new shiny cars, and exotic vacations.

2.7 billion people were living on less than $2 a day, and 1.1 billion people were living on under $1 a day.  ONE luxurious vacation could feed a village for a year!  Let's get our priorities right!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

A Wish.

I am not sure when it happened, but at some point in my life, I was convinced that crying is a sign of weakness.  I was bullied in elementary school, for pimples at 3rd grade, wearing a bra in 4th grade, and having 'BO' all throughout elementary.

I was a traumatized child, and I cried every single day of school.

I HATED school, I spent most of my time alone, and I felt weak and vulnerable.

Something happened, and I changed, I think a part of it was meeting a new group of kids (BMW, Missy, Christine A., Kanna) that NEVER made me feel small. These were my first true friends.

Somewhere in between bawling like a baby 24/7  and refusing to shed a tear, I get lost.

This is where I am now, I am VERY sensitive to criticism. Who isn't??  My dear sweet friend Consie taught me to try to sandwich a complaint with two compliments, this way it shows the person you are correcting that you recognize the good they do, and it lessens the blow of the negative/correction.

I am not very good at this, because in LOVE languages, Words of Affirmations are the HARDEST for me to convey. I like to DO something for others to show my love (Acts of Kindness) and words get caught in my throat and I struggle with saying them. I have to think, rethink and think again in order to feel like what I say is accurate or correct.

So as I struggle with TEENAGERS....I am at a loss. this is where I wish.

I wish that instead of getting ANGRY I wish I could cry, cause this is what I WANT to do. I WANT to cry when we have conflict, I want to break down and be soft, and let them see what they say or what they do TRULY gets to me.

Instead, I become hard as Steele and to THEM they think it is unfeeling.

My poor kids.

If only they knew how tender I was/am. If only I was better at letting them see the soft side of me.

If only I did not spend all my energies on protective actions and instead I was able to soften a bit, and let them see me cry.

I wish I could cry.

Cry like I do when I see an orphan, Cry like I do when I see a hallmark special, cry like when I miss my mother, cry like I do when I think of all my regrets.

I wish I could cry.