When I was 10 My mother started having babies again. In the beginning i was a selfish brat and DID NOT want to share her with any one new.
The babies came, and they took their toll on her. My mom was a hard working innovative and determined woman. Never had time for excuses, only solutions. (Must be where I got that from)
She is capable to anything, she can change a tire, change the oil, or build a house.
She has done it all.
When she brought home my first baby brother, he was the fattest baby I had ever seen (Close to 10 lbs)
It was like a 3 month old, not a newborn. I was not amused, he was not tiny, fragile and innocent in my jaded eyes, he was an intruder, a vampire, that sucked the life-force out of my mom. She was very ill from pregnancy and had a hard time with recovery.
This fat Vampire baby stuck around, in my dreams he would disappear and my vibrant healthy energetic mother would return.
In reality he was never going to leave, and he was only going to get fatter.
When Fat Vampire baby was 2, mom had the next baby, The Golden Child was born, he was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but rather he was born with the Midas Touch. He was a charmer from the moment he was born, He spent the first days of life in NICU with pneumonia and from that fragile start he had my heart wrapped around his golden fingers.
less than 18 months later, Baby #3 arrived, It was as if the DNA and all the available parts to create this babe were scraped off the bottom of the barrel, mom was extremely fragile during this pregnancy and recovery, we almost lost her, twice she went back to the hospital for blood clots. IT was a stressful time, I was the perfect age to bond to this scrawny barrel scraper. He was long, lean and very much the opposite of Fat Vampire baby. It was as if he was testing the world out, trying to see if it was a good fit. And We understood one another. he came to Earth not quite knowing how he fit in.
His big blue eyes
His impish smile
The way he needed to be invited and a part of every activity, Fat Vampire Baby never asked, he just took, the time, the attention and the food, Golden Child never needed to ask, everything was his on a platter. and he knew it.
but Barrel Scraper was......unsure. it was as if he wasn't ready to commit to the task of being on earth. His health was not fragile, no he was quick, witty, spry, silly, active.
But his heart longed to be SHOWN how he was important,he was LOVED, he was WANTED and VALUED.
These boys have taught me a lot in preparation for motherhood.
When I first stated having babies, I thought "This is easy, What is everyone complaining about, or warning us about? Babies are cake-walk!"
And my first baby was like Golden Child, she walked, talked, learned, WOW'ed everyone. She was a mold-breaker.
Next came my own version of Fat Vampire Baby. She was medically fragile, but VERY sure of her place in the world. She KNEW who loved her, (everyone) and she KNEW she belonged.
Each of my kids have taught me a lesson. I do not think I could put a title on each lesson, but i can put a jewel in my crown, they are everything to me.
They can take me from the pit of despair, to the heights of the heavens. (and back)
I would do anything for them, and yet, I see the weaknesses that I detest in my life creeping into my parenting. One of my weaknesses is the compulsion for change, I love change, new scenery, new outlook, new challenges, FRESH NEW games.
but this is not what kids need, they need Sameness, stability,
they need to know what to expect, and they grow and learn better in a patterned schedule.
I....The ultimate Gypsy.
So I return to the lessons I learned from my baby brothers.
I need to be in tune with the needs of each of my children, and be willing to put my wants aside for a decade until they are groomed and prepared to find their unique place in the world.
UNIQUE they are.
They are the worth anything.
Even Staying the SAME.