Sunday, February 20, 2011

My beautiful family

(PS I get the mother of the Year award: In the chaos of taking pictures of each of the kids.... I forgot a kid..... )

Saturday, February 05, 2011

Bears repeating (some of us are slow learners)

Have you ever found a resource, that is so effective in teaching you something that you return to it on a regular basis?
Maybe it is a scripture story, or a Hymn, or Possibly somewhere in Nature that reminds you that you are a creature of the Mighty Lord, and His will is vibrating in everything around you.
I found a Audio Recording that (in my opinion) has saved my Marriage, repeatedly, I guess this means I am a slow learner and a quick at being forgetful.

It is called "For all Eternity" by Dr. Lund. I have bought copies of this for numerous friends, newlyweds that don't realize they need it, and family members that are seasoned in their marriage. It never ceases to improve on the relationships when they listen to it.

I have since found something that has helped me with my children, Obedience, temperament, Forgiveness, Willing to work, This resource has helped me with all of these. (thus the consequence is Cleaner home, happier children, more time to play and have fun)

I will share with you my notes on listening to this CD as well as a duplicate Post from earlier this summer. the title to that was "Lessons on Parenting I learned from the scriptures"

Earlier From my Blog:

Scripture study on Teaching our children

Who are we? Deut. 14: 1
Ye are the children of the Lord your God:
Ps. 82: 6 I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.
Rom. 8: 16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

What should we be doing?
1 Tim. 3: 4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
Definition of : subjection a : to bring under control or dominion : subjugate b : to make (as oneself) amenable to the discipline and control of a superior
Definition of : Gravity a : dignity or sobriety of bearing b : importance, significance; especially : seriousness c : a serious situation or problem

What our households should look like
1 Tim. 5: 4 But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.
Definition of PIETY: a: fidelity to natural obligations (as to parents) b : dutifulness in religion : devoutness
Definitions of requite: to make suitable return to for a benefit or service
This means our CHILDREN serve,HONOR, OBEY and work for us, as a return for the service we rendered to them as infants, I point out to my kids, how much we Do FOR the baby, and how much attention, affection and all needs are met by ME. in return he is required to return that service.

What we do when we love our Father in Heaven
1 Jn. 5: 2 By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments.

After reading and explaining these scriptures we have come to understand better our roles as Heavenly Fathers children, we understand he expects us as Parents to Love the children (easy…right?) he expects us to guide them teach them to respect us, teach them to anticipate the return of service, you can decipher that to mean whatever you would like but

The way I see it: If you are grateful for a service rendered, you will reciprocate that service, you will have a desire to improve the lives of those around you in any way you are capable, including but not limited to, obeying, cheerfully doing your obligations , seeking out opportunities to please those that have served you.

Imagine your children learning this principle, and applying it through their entire lives: as an employee, or student, neighbor, friend, they show their gratitude for employment or the time of a teacher who engages the in studies by :following through with their studies, or doing a job well, and then seeking out additional ways to exemplify this principal, going the extra mile. Imagine how much farther our kids will progress if they could master this skill.

We applied this principal in our studies to our family environment, as the Mommy I agree and commit to being loving, kind and nurturing the children, in return the children agree to serve, respect and obey the Mommy.

If you wonder how those with large families can cope and manage, it is by applying this principal, by leaving the duties to Mom which are divinely ordained and allowing her to embody the Christ-Like love towards her children, she is not worn thin by doing too much, and she is fulfilled by being served.

DANI JOHNSON: Grooming the Next Generation for Success.

The Steps to success are starting with the spirit of understanding, when we explain to our children the reasons for our restrictions or rules, we are not compelling them, we are helping them to remain safe.
So if they resist they are not understanding the role of the child.

They need to know:
1-God Loves them, He wants them to succeed, accepts them the way they are, and is preparing them for something GREAT.

2-God Loves them

3-Through Christ All things are possible.

4-Teach them the Word. (as you do an amazing job with!)

5- Have them serve reach out to the less needy.

6- Teach them to Pray (this alleviates the need for them to repeatably come to you to solve every problem!)
7-Teach them to avoid Idolatry

When they use ANY, TONE, WORD OR Gesture of dishonor Correct with This:
"Would you like a chance to correct that ____, or do you need discipline?"

For children UNDER 12 it is 3 spats on the rear, (if they argue the number increases) for those over 12 it is losing a privilege or gaining a chore.
*BY explaining to them the reason they need to be corrected is so because their future professor, commander, wife, teacher, boss etc.... WILL NOT tolerate dishonor .

They will simply FAIL, (By losing their job, or being demoted, or failing their coursework, or WORSE: damaging the eternal relationship in marriage. )

I think THIS IS where we fail, instead of Swiftly following through with a pre-determined punishment we negotiate, listen to argue with them.... delaying and in effect displacing the connection to their behavior, instead they only remember OUR reactions not THEIR Actions.

Words or phrases Comments, Gestures etc that = DISHONOR

"I know" (it sows seeds of pride, and teaches the kids that speaking rudely to you is acceptable)
"Ok OK!"
"I am busy I will get to it later"

Even when our Children are LITTLE we allow this behavior, we ALLOW them to talk back (when they are 3 and easy to correct we think they are innocent and don't know better... DUH so LET US CORRECT THEM So they WILL KNOW better!!!!)

My kids are allowed one of two responses when corrected, or asked to do something
either "Yes Ma'm!" (with a smile and eye contact)
or "Sure thing MOM!" again with the proper attitude, voice and actions. NO eye rolling, they must make EYE Contact when I am addressing them.
Start FAST & Finish!

So you say the "Would you like a chance to correct that ____, or do you need discipline?"

And if they argue, you say "that is deliberate disobedience, and that means I am forced to discipline you" (EXECUTE Discipline)

Another thing I hear or see, is Children speaking to other children with disrespect, whether older, younger or whatever this is NOT ACCEPTABLE behavior!!

We should speak respectful to ALL, but especially anyone older than us (I say to my kids, the fact they have graced this Earth longer than you, even if by a breath, you owe them honor and respect as you CAN learn something from everyone!)
So if your toddler speaks rudely to the baby sitter, or to an older child, correct them!
ask them "was that showing Honor to ____" If no... Lets try that again, and I give them a dialogue to mimic, "I am sorry, can I please borrow that..." or whatever the situation is appropriate.

Unteachable Heart.
By allowing them to cultivate unteachable hearts (by not having pre-determined consequences that are consistent) We are setting them up for failure.

Do all things with Excellence and good attitude. WHY? When we are called by GOD to follow him, are we blessed when we fight, argue and whine the entire time we obey (or drag our feet to obey? NO!)

These are the Scriptural words:


When they have an argument and they bring it to you, you ask them WHAT THEY HAVE DONE to breed contention, not what the sibling has done to them! "What did YOU do to provoke this?"

Then you work on them forgiving and being loving towards the sinner. (as we all take our turn being the sinner)

When we choose to be forgiving, we plant the seed of LOVE and Peace. When we hold grudges against our siblings, jealously, hate, envy and discord are sowed. WHO IS THE AUTHOR?

Attitude is EVERYTHING

THESS 5:11
5Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness.

Why are we here, What is the role of the parent? Our role is to support them to succeed.

Proverbs 22:3
3A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished
Prudent=Adjective: Acting with or showing care and thought for the future.
SIMPLE=unlearned; ignorant.

There were a few passages in PROVERBS 29 I suggest you read the entire chapter and decide which you think they need to hear.

6 : In the transgression of an evil man there is a snare: but the righteous doth sing and rejoice.
15The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
17Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
18Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he

A child left to himself is a shame to his mother. I explain it to my kids this way
"IF I do not correct you, and I ALLOW you to be rude, or slothful, or disobedient, I am disobeying the LORD. I am held accountable to HIM, and I am sorry if it makes things harder for you at the present, but I fear GODS eternal wrath, not your temporary tantrum"
Proverbs 13
*He who does not discipline his children hates them.*
Step one:
Point out the rule and the consequence
STEP two:
Make it a natural thing to follow through with the consequence (no arguing etc)
Step 3:
If they argue that falls under DELIBERATE Disobedience> which breeds contempt and it is an automatic punishment, no chance for second correction.
"Would you like to Choose obedience, or would you like to Choose Discipline?"

43aReproving betimes with (b)sharpness, when (c)moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of (d)love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

Spankings warn attitude
After they have been disciplined; it is time for the asking of forgiveness and repentance to begin, as our Father would, we wrap our arms around them, and let them know we want them to succeed, we want them to achieve their life Mission. We share our love and future hope for them.

Do we GLORIFY GOD in our actions in our house?

Do our chores reflect HONOR to what he has graciously provided?
Does our HAIR, CLOTHES, School work, yard etc... show what type of stewrd we are? If we are given small things (HAIR, CLOTHES, School work, yard etc) to prove our worthiness for bigger things, are we passing the test? Do we show how well we can take care of little (annoying) things, if for nothing else but to prove we are worthy to take care of GREAT things!

Proverbs 22:3
3A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished
Are we simpletons? are we ignorant, slothful servants, who do not care for our Lord's Vineyard?

this is as far as my notes go.

I have only taken notes on the first 2 CD's

Good luck!

Write out the two categories:

and make the consequence (simple, swift and something your willing to do 25 times a day for 3 days :)

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

The Four Types of Undisciplined Parents:

1. Inconsistent Parents
...Some parents are inconsistent. They have a certain standard one day and then the next day the standard has changed. One day they are like Nazi-parents. The next day they’re like Homer Simpson. The reality is that the more consistent we are as parents, the more fruit we will see from our discipline.

2. Split-Decision Parents
Split-decision parents is what happens when two parents don’t agree. Now, obviously, parents won’t always agree 100% on how to handle a situation. But, keep a unified front. If you disagree with each other and argue in front of the children, that just undermines everything. Dads, if your child comes in to the room and asks for something and your wife has already said “no” and if the child whines and asks again, then you need to say gently but firmly, “Mom said ‘no’ and that means ‘no’.” Be unified.

3. Angry Parents
When we discipline we should never yell. Discipline should never be done in anger. If it is we should apologize to our child and ask for forgiveness.
James 1:20 – “For man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

4. Bribing Parents
Some parents say things like, “If you do this, then you’ll get this.” All this teaches a child is that the reason they honor mom and dad is because they get something good out of it, not because it pleases God.
read more here

Staying Busy

I have not taken the time to blog lately, two reasons, I have been keeping myself very very busy, and my internet has been horribly unreliable!

And so I repent.

I don't think of these writing's and anything of relevance.

But then my sweet husband mentions a friend far far away who has kept tabs on my ramblings and appreciates the blog.

So I write, and I divulge the conversations I would have if we were in person, if we were sitting across from one another on my family room couch. That is simply how I operate, I do not hide or filter who I am. I am just me. Some days I am super mom, and some days I am mom who wants to hide from reality.

I am Mom first.

I LOVE being a mom, and I relish the laughter the inquiries and the daily interaction with my offspring. All of them bring something unique to my heart. I have a 14 year old who aspires to be 'just like me' in some ways and nothing like me in many others. She understands me and we have an open relationship. We talk. some days I have to endure the teenager rambling and have to sift the story line and point out to her that pobody is nerfect. She also strives for perfection and between the two of us we really give one another a hard time.

My 12 year old. What a character she came blazing into the world with all eyes on her.
She loves attention, she loves drama but mostly she loves people, she longs to love, help, serve and has HUGE dreams. She wants to be a surgeon. She had surgery at 3 months old and has been talking about being a Dr. and healer for as long as she could talk. I pray her husband is domestic and loves children, so that they two of them can love and fulfill each others needs and desires.

She has a heart of Gold.

My 10 year old. What a fun loving girl this is! She loves the outdoors and investigating all areas of life. She wants to be a writer, she reads voraciously (as a side note, she only began reading 2 years ago, she was a slow starter)She can spend hours and hours in introspect, looking at bugs, and sticks, and anything in nature. She is easy to love and hard to forget.

My almost 8 year old!
She is going to break my heart, this age does it to me. It makes me cry and rejoice at the same time. She is a tender heart, who needs constant affection and attention, she pats, caresses and holds each one of us, and its never enough. She will sneak into bed wit me and snuggle up in the morning. she is such a lover. She has to look for a very tender and affectionate husband some day, she will never be fulfilled with occasional affection.

By Big Boy, he turned 4 in September. What a challenge he is. When Daddy is home he is easy and entertaining, as soon as papa leaves, he is a naughty, imp, who seeks to destroy any thing he can, hammers, scissors, screwdrivers, butter knives. any and off of the above have destroyed my furniture and belongings. I have learned NOT to get attached to things. Thanks to my big boy. He needs to spend more time outdoors. And more time tumbling around with other tough boys, but he would rather lie on the couch watching a movie with his thumb in his mouth. OCD?

Baby boy. He turns 2 in less than a month. Of all the babies I think he has been the easiest. he just learned how to find his way to my bed in the morning, seems to be a ritual with my little ones, all of them have morning snuggles until they turn.... 13.
This boy is tender, he loves to stroke my face and cuddle up close to me. He needs allot of affection too. Since I cut my hair, he has a habit of running his fingers over my spikes. But when he turns 2, what am I going to do? I need another baby, but my womb is... tired. I have room in my heart for more. I have a great desire to parent more. To love, to serve, Sigh... this brings me to my constant concern.

What now?

What am I, if not a Mother.

I have Dreams, BIG dreams, When I was in 10th grade Mrs. Burningham had us write out a time line. I had aspirations of surfing in Hawaii, of adopting babies in Africa, in becoming a philanthropist, of serving and working out big problems. I love big problems, it gives me a venue to crack open the vault of solutions and be creative. I enjoy being creative.

Am I wasting my time?


Is it silly to want more? I want to serve WITH my children, dream, aspire, achieve and work. I want them to learn about culture, and understand the view of the world from different perspectives.
I want them to be empathetic, and understanding, I want them to spend time loving not judging.

I want them to be the friend that leaves others feeling lifted, and encouraged. I have a desire to show them the world.

Africa, Central America, Italy, United States, Beaches, Cities, Towns, Villages, inside and out.

I want it all. Is there any thing wrong with this?

I want wealth enough to share, knowledge enough to serve, and grace enough to Love.

I LOVE being a mom. is it possible to be a mom and achieve my other desires?