Sunday, February 05, 2012

My heart strings.

While of late this blog has taken a philosophical view on life in general, as I work hard to implement the new skills and desires into my daily actions, this is still, after all, my personal blog.

Today, the Sabbath, I write what is in my heart.

I have been so very blessed to have the life I live. It has not always been easy. I spent the better part of my childhood and early adult life depressed. I attempted suicide on 4 separate occasions. No one knew or cared. I spent the entire night on the bathroom floor vomiting and in agony, all I wanted was someone to come slide my sticky hair off my forehead and tell me they loved me. But I stayed there alone, heartbroken, and feeling like a failure.

So lucky and blessed that I was not successful. Because although my life is far from easy, or pain-free, I am abundantly happy & blessed.

I have the privilege to bear 6 children, and the honor to foster/adopt Claudine and her son, Dante. These two, while not of my womb are so tightly knit to my heart. I think of them every day, I pray for them every night and I love them as if they were my own.

I love.

That is what I do, and if I see someone or something that needs loving, I do it.

I spent so many years of my life wondering if anyone loved me, that I make it my mission to leave each child in my home keenly aware that I love them.

I want each child, not matter how big or small to KNOW they are special, they are unique and no one can replace them.

I love.

I open my home, and my heart to those who seek it. I happily give of my resources to 'outsiders' and make them feel like insiders.

Right now I have an extra child in my home. He has a family, a mother who loves him, I do not want to discount what she is to him. He Loves His Mother. But for whatever reason he needs a safe place to land each day. He has slowly come to be a part of our crew. He has his own chore list, and responsibilities, he loves, teases,plays, argues, and annoys just like the rest of them. He has chosen to be a part of our family, even if it is not permanent he is here now. I will give him all I can for as long as he needs it. My heart is attached to him, for we know that when we serve, we love. I love this son, and hope and pray for the best for him whatever direction he takes.

I am thrilled to say we will be having a baptism in our building Feb 9th. 7:30 p.m. Come if you want to see who is taking to the baptismal waters. It is not my announcement to make, I will allow the participants to invite and tell whomever they choose.

For now understand this, my heart is driven to help others, to serve others and to lift others. It is my greatest desire to love.

I know I fall short, I have let my responsibilities slip, and I pray I will have the DEDICATION to choose the best path. Each and every day.

I wear it on my sleeve, and always plan to. Thanks for allowing me to share my thoughts and feelings. Looking forward to each new adventure as it approaches!