Tuesday, March 29, 2011


I have been moved to tears many times this week, sometimes it is adoration and LOVE for my family.

Sometimes it is the Love I feel from my Savior, and today it was a bit of confusion and frustration.

I know what i am to do with my life.
I understand my callings. I am COMPLETELY willing to accomplish these tasks, and to grow and learn, sacrifice and achieve. Some days I just don't even know where to start. Or what is the next step to take?

I only have some many resources, one issue is I have a Suburban, (Which I appreciate) that i drive to the clinic once a week, eventually twice a week, at 8 mpg. It saddens me that I waste a resource as precious as gas....
I would love to have a diesel (veggie-Car) I paid my fees for a clinical trip to Dominican Republic, I applied, paid and I am waiting back to hear if I have been accepted to attend.

Then the research for adoption continues, just as I feel like I have solidified my decision, and we are ready to move forward, I hit a brick wall. Something like signing a statement of Faith.... (Do I believe in the Holy Catholic church?)


I have only had luck getting ONE agency to return my calls..... is it Because we have a large family?
I just don't know. So I want to put it back on the shelf. cry a few times a year over the feelings that I am disappointing my Father in Heaven, in not accepting more children into our family.

I feel like I am letting Him down....

and I'm not getting any younger.....