Newborn babes...the smell intoxicating, they are tiny, and sweet and utterly perfect. Not at hing they can do (even scream all night long with gas) can not mar the joy and peace they bring to your home.
When a new mother gives birth, first an influx of congratulations, and Gifts, Meals, and offerings for support and help flood in. Mom's usually have a bit of euphoria.
All is right. All is well.
Within the first three weeks, a mom will nap, snuggle and bundle up her wee one just basking in that babes wonderful spirit.
It is a perfect time. Of course there are struggles, postpartum pains, or the depression that often sets in. But overall the Highs out number the lows.
When a new child is introduced into a family and the child is older. (Say older than 2) The bonding, snuggling, cuddling, and basking are a little more complicated. The Synapses that occurs to a newborn, developing their intellectual capacity, establishing their trust, and safety comprehension.
The fact that the people that WERE caring for this child, are no longer in their life, the damage to trust and safety has already been done. These kids have a battle to overcome. Other wise known as 'attachment issues' having a normal attachment to their caregiver (Mother & Father) is essential to the normal development of relationships throughout their lives. Without this many things are not understood. For example; Authority, accountability, remorse, trust. Can you imagine a life without the capacity for one or each of these?
When a new child is brought into the home in adoption, it is absolutely essential and imperative that people in their surroundings understand something.
Affection and Direction are ONLY appropriate when they come from the Mother & Father.
If others (who are well meaning) Hug, pick-up, snuggle, caress, cuddle or otherwise ANY PHYSICAL affection it Disrupts the Trust & Bonding that adoptive families work SO HARD to establish.
I understand these babies (even if they are 2, 3 or 4) are adorable, and so lovable.
For the first year affection (even hugs) Should be considered a violation of boundaries.
Please do not get offended! Please be supportive during this CRUCIAL time of adjustment and Please respect the parents desires to mend the broken chains of trust, love and affections.