Saturday, February 18, 2012

Where do we go from here?

Sitting alone, in a hotel room. The last time I was alone was in 2003 when I stayed in Anchorage with Wesley during ground school. I watched TV, then went shopping. I spent way too much money on the kids, and felt rejuvenated towards my love of homeschooling and parenting in general.

Being alone can be a double edged sword.

All the thoughts and ideas or weaknesses can come to surface and there is no one to distract you from them.

ENTER: Pain.

I listened to an audio book during the 6.5 hr drive, it was "The Peacegiver" by Fray (I think)

It teaches the principles of forgiveness and the atonement. More than anything it helps us to realize how flawed we are in thinking that our weaknesses are justified because of the weaknesses of others.

This is where I am now. I have been hurt so deeply by certain events or relationships, I have since severed the painful relationships, but now I am at a place of reevaluation, What is RIGHT, and what is GOOD.

I know it is GOOD to live without contention, and to live in Peace, however when do bridges need to be mended and relationships opened and reunited.

When is it safe to head back down that path?
We know we only have control over OUR path, OUR actions and OUR reactions. So how can you prepare or allow someone into your life that has not in the past proved to be trustworthy or even capable of admitting fault?

I do not want them to accept all the blame, or to be the one responsible to fix the riff, however I can only accept responsibility for MY actions, and MY REACTIONS right?

I think I have forgiven, I feel ready to move on. I am just at a loss for where that path should take me.

I am DEEPLY Grateful for a husband who is SO HUMBLE and LOVING and willing to accept me for who I am, he truly shows such infinite compassion and love towards me. It is such a blessing to know that I am loved. Without him by my side.....I shudder to think what life would be like. Thank you 'nuggle Bunny' Thank you for helping me through the past pain of these hurtful situations.

Thank you for willingly traveling this path with me. I LOVE YOU.