Addictions

This writing has to be cathartic for me, I am sorry i do not have more uplifting subjects to refer to at this pont, but right now I am barely holding on to sanity.

5 years ago, I slowly lost the use of my hands, I had a baby (my 4th) and when it was time to open a baby food jar, i could not do it. I simply could not grasp the jar and turn, I had no strength left in my hands, and I hurt All the time. I was always in pain, my head, my back, my eyes, my hands. My family has a history of arthritis, so i just chocked it up to this, and went to my Dr. he perscribed me this: Celebrex and here is what I read about it:
may cause sudden daeath.
hmmm.... pain in my hands, or death....hmmm...pain in my back....or death.....hmmmm tough one, i think i choose pain in my hands!

Phew.

I made the choice NOT to take the meds I was perscribed. I was going to school (UVSC) and signed up for a beginning yoga class (gasp) I was BY FAR the fattest and oldest person in the class...so what did I do? ;)
I invited my mom to join the class! (now at least i was not the oldest anymore)

So i meet my ideal amazing Yogini. Denise Preston. She taught me much more than just downward-facing-dog.
She introduced me to Dennis Remington. Dr. Remington ; http://www.freedommedcenter.com/doctors.shtml

It changed everything, my outlook on life, the way I ate and especially my personality, I went from raving, angry lunatic, and it changed me intoa calm, happy patient mother. I am talking 180 turnaround.

I spent 4 years eating like a 'rabbit' and I was a happy, normal, wonderful patient mommy, I homeschooled my kids, with great patience and love, i learned new things, i studied my scriptures and taught my children great skills.... crocheting, baking, sewing, painting, I was a candidate for "Mother of the Year 2005"

Then pregnancy #5 hits me. and it was the first time in 4 years I ate an orange. I had not been able to eat fruit, not even a grape, they would make me violenty ill.

Baby #5 would make it so I could eat fruit. and fruit I ate, in all forms, as much as I could get my hands on.

However as I ate the fruit, and had the first sweetness in my mouth, it became overwhelming how I wanted sugar, as I had not eaten ANYTHING with sugar. I ate nearly only vegetables and legumes, and occasionally bread.

I felt like an addict. all I could do was think of sugar, obsess over it, long for it, wish and imagine eating it.

eventually it got the best of me and I ate some sugar on a cruise my husband and I took. I was so sick from gastric issues for a month, that i did not eat any more sugar for a long long while.
Fast forward to this month, life has gottent he best of me,a nd I have eaten sugar on a nearly daily basis for the past 2 weeks. AND NOW, well you have read the posts about being mentally compromised, and I know KNOW that it is becuase I am highly allergic to sugar, and I can not even have a substitute, so let me introduce myself

Hi, My name is Crazy lady...and I am ..... addicted to sugar, in all forms, natural, fruit, honey, raw, brown, refined....in its many forms. I know it will keill me eventaully, and so I will once again go on a cleanse and know that when I indeed kick the habit, I will never again be able to eat sweets, in any form.
Thanks for reading about my ramblings.....

D.