Sunday, November 07, 2010

Overcoming pain/hurt

I have been hurt before. I have gotten over it. I am a slow learner, I normally do not get offended, especially if what was said or done was not meant to offend, but what do you do when something IS meant to offend? What if the venting and ranting IS personal. as in, its all about my weaknesses, insecurities and defects.

I am well aware of those, I see them each and every time I see my reflection, or hear my vice, or... you get the idea. I am pretty hard on myself. and when i have been down, I have made a commitment to get back on the horse, go outside myself and serve, selflessly.
I don't see that as bragging; I think of it the way others clean when they are hurt, or some shop when they are down, some may even jog, or write, or...whatever.
So when I am accused of being self-serving and selfish I do feel hurt, to the 9th degree.

but i am attempting to climb out of that pain, i am trying to separate their pain from mine, and own my weaknesses.
One of my weaknesses is my big, fat, mouth. I am one who does not like things left unsaid, I would rather confront, and not to fight, or be angry, but to get the truth out, and resolve it. I hate unresolved issues. I loose sleep over it. and I need my sleep.
When someone has said gossip about me, I tend to go to the source and try to resolve it. that makes others' uncomfortable. I tend to make most people uncomfortable.

Not that I am trying. I just permeate something, like a stink bug. and others feel.... at odds.

So on to my healing, I spent the night in restless sleep, thinking about the mistakes I have made (which are not exactly the list that others think of me?)

and so I work to mend, I watched my beloved prophet council me, and I have made a resolve to try harder. Not allow their judgmental comments,looks, or feelings towards me to influence my actions. - Ensign Article - Charity Never Faileth

If only I could have this mastered, I could have saved allot of people allot of pain in the (recent) past.


Lia said...

Hey sweet heart- My you have had an eventful year. E VENT FUL. Ha- I didn't even know I was making a pun. Yes, we all know that you like to talk things out. You used the word "confront"- which makes you "confrontational." I am that way myself sometimes, but I have learned over my long, long, long years (I am like three years older, right?) that it rarely brings my peace, and I lose more sleep worrying about my confrontationalisticness- (HA- beat that word!) than I ever would have about "what was left unsaid." Instead, I just try REALLY HARD to walk in their shoes for a bit. I try to look through their eyes- to think about the possible reasons for their actions, to really feel what they feel and to understand the reason for it. Now, in the case of someone saying something bad about me, I would feel hurt, yes, but I would also wonder if I'd ever done something to hurt that person- and if not, I would wonder what end result the person was after. Sometimes I just conclude that the person is small-minded and that their small-mindedness is no reason for me to be hurt. So, I forgive them and pretend it never happened. It usually just goes away. I smile the next time I see them and generally try to kill them with kindness. I figure I've been small-minded before, and maybe I am sometimes now- when I have time :) so I figure I am just using the golden rule.

Some famous chick- a president's wife said something that Mark always quotes right, but that I always misquote like this because it fits more situations:

"Holding a grudge is like letting someone you don't like live rent-free in your head."

It's very freeing.

Just let it go.... Did you ever read the hypnobirthing book? "Imagine yourself floating in the air above a rainbow...As you float down, you become part of the red mist and then the orange," Blah, ble blaaah ble blahhhh. Bilge. Just spend your energy on trying to figure out how you're going to ignore it instead of how you're going to fix it. Doesn't work with a car, but with people it works sometimes. Except with your kids maybe. Them you can confront. Hourly sometimes.

Sure love you.


Janika said...

Have you ever had to overcome your husband's evil, malicious, and manipulative ex-wife? If I confront her, she confronts him, and he has to take her side because she will give his children (that he loves and adores more than any of his wives) another injection of poison against him, and the confrontation is always about them anyway. This was my Christmas challenge. I spent a whole night riled up in anger and contempt. I just prayed for sleep, because forgiveness was not going to come. I still have not confronted her, but when I do, it will not be a defensive reaction to her attacks on my insecurity. It will be a title of liberty defense of the people I love.