Tuesday, March 29, 2011


I have been moved to tears many times this week, sometimes it is adoration and LOVE for my family.

Sometimes it is the Love I feel from my Savior, and today it was a bit of confusion and frustration.

I know what i am to do with my life.
I understand my callings. I am COMPLETELY willing to accomplish these tasks, and to grow and learn, sacrifice and achieve. Some days I just don't even know where to start. Or what is the next step to take?

I only have some many resources, one issue is I have a Suburban, (Which I appreciate) that i drive to the clinic once a week, eventually twice a week, at 8 mpg. It saddens me that I waste a resource as precious as gas....
I would love to have a diesel (veggie-Car) I paid my fees for a clinical trip to Dominican Republic, I applied, paid and I am waiting back to hear if I have been accepted to attend.

Then the research for adoption continues, just as I feel like I have solidified my decision, and we are ready to move forward, I hit a brick wall. Something like signing a statement of Faith.... (Do I believe in the Holy Catholic church?)


I have only had luck getting ONE agency to return my calls..... is it Because we have a large family?
I just don't know. So I want to put it back on the shelf. cry a few times a year over the feelings that I am disappointing my Father in Heaven, in not accepting more children into our family.

I feel like I am letting Him down....

and I'm not getting any younger.....


Tammy said...

I'm sorry you are feeling such frustration. I really liked something I read recently. It was said by one of the General Authorities, but I can't remember which one. "Having faith in the Lord includes having faith in his timing." If you are supposed to have more children in your family, then it will happen, just maybe not on the timetable that you have planned.

Lia said...

Well, dear,

If you do all you can do, and follow every prompting, then the Lord knows it. Roll with the punches.

You know how relentless ocean waves are. The expanse is breathtaking, the roar is all-encompassing, and the crash and roll or the lapping of the water on the beach follows its own unpredictable rhythm. On the beaches of Chios, there is no sand; only rocks. They are smooth and gentle on your feet- but they have only become that way because of the aloof, monotonous, ceaseless rolls of the sea.

You are a rock. So many people lean on you and depend on you because you are strong and solid. These struggles are just waves. The world doesn't care about your dreams, but its reactions that prolong your struggle, they are just waves knocking off a few edges. Just take it like the rock you are. Just roll. You'll be better for it. You're going to shine!