I have not taken the time to blog lately, two reasons, I have been keeping myself very very busy, and my internet has been horribly unreliable!
And so I repent.
I don't think of these writing's and anything of relevance.
But then my sweet husband mentions a friend far far away who has kept tabs on my ramblings and appreciates the blog.
So I write, and I divulge the conversations I would have if we were in person, if we were sitting across from one another on my family room couch. That is simply how I operate, I do not hide or filter who I am. I am just me. Some days I am super mom, and some days I am mom who wants to hide from reality.
I am Mom first.
I LOVE being a mom, and I relish the laughter the inquiries and the daily interaction with my offspring. All of them bring something unique to my heart. I have a 14 year old who aspires to be 'just like me' in some ways and nothing like me in many others. She understands me and we have an open relationship. We talk. some days I have to endure the teenager rambling and have to sift the story line and point out to her that pobody is nerfect. She also strives for perfection and between the two of us we really give one another a hard time.
My 12 year old. What a character she came blazing into the world with all eyes on her.
She loves attention, she loves drama but mostly she loves people, she longs to love, help, serve and has HUGE dreams. She wants to be a surgeon. She had surgery at 3 months old and has been talking about being a Dr. and healer for as long as she could talk. I pray her husband is domestic and loves children, so that they two of them can love and fulfill each others needs and desires.
She has a heart of Gold.
My 10 year old. What a fun loving girl this is! She loves the outdoors and investigating all areas of life. She wants to be a writer, she reads voraciously (as a side note, she only began reading 2 years ago, she was a slow starter)She can spend hours and hours in introspect, looking at bugs, and sticks, and anything in nature. She is easy to love and hard to forget.
My almost 8 year old!
She is going to break my heart, this age does it to me. It makes me cry and rejoice at the same time. She is a tender heart, who needs constant affection and attention, she pats, caresses and holds each one of us, and its never enough. She will sneak into bed wit me and snuggle up in the morning. she is such a lover. She has to look for a very tender and affectionate husband some day, she will never be fulfilled with occasional affection.
By Big Boy, he turned 4 in September. What a challenge he is. When Daddy is home he is easy and entertaining, as soon as papa leaves, he is a naughty, imp, who seeks to destroy any thing he can, hammers, scissors, screwdrivers, butter knives. any and off of the above have destroyed my furniture and belongings. I have learned NOT to get attached to things. Thanks to my big boy. He needs to spend more time outdoors. And more time tumbling around with other tough boys, but he would rather lie on the couch watching a movie with his thumb in his mouth. OCD?
Baby boy. He turns 2 in less than a month. Of all the babies I think he has been the easiest. he just learned how to find his way to my bed in the morning, seems to be a ritual with my little ones, all of them have morning snuggles until they turn.... 13.
This boy is tender, he loves to stroke my face and cuddle up close to me. He needs allot of affection too. Since I cut my hair, he has a habit of running his fingers over my spikes. But when he turns 2, what am I going to do? I need another baby, but my womb is... tired. I have room in my heart for more. I have a great desire to parent more. To love, to serve, Sigh... this brings me to my constant concern.
What am I, if not a Mother.
I have Dreams, BIG dreams, When I was in 10th grade Mrs. Burningham had us write out a time line. I had aspirations of surfing in Hawaii, of adopting babies in Africa, in becoming a philanthropist, of serving and working out big problems. I love big problems, it gives me a venue to crack open the vault of solutions and be creative. I enjoy being creative.
Am I wasting my time?
Is it silly to want more? I want to serve WITH my children, dream, aspire, achieve and work. I want them to learn about culture, and understand the view of the world from different perspectives.
I want them to be empathetic, and understanding, I want them to spend time loving not judging.
I want them to be the friend that leaves others feeling lifted, and encouraged. I have a desire to show them the world.
Africa, Central America, Italy, United States, Beaches, Cities, Towns, Villages, inside and out.
I want it all. Is there any thing wrong with this?
I want wealth enough to share, knowledge enough to serve, and grace enough to Love.
I LOVE being a mom. is it possible to be a mom and achieve my other desires?